I can sum up everything that’s good about this movie in one quick phrase.
CHARLIZE THERON!
That’s it. Nothing else. Oh, her costumes were good too, but that still counts under her.
Here’s a list of some of the problems I had with this movie:
1. KRISTEN STEWART
I have to admit that I’m a little biased against Kristen Stewart before I start to talk about the movie itself. I’m not trying to be hipster or anything. In fact, with all the “cool” people hating on her, I feel like liking her would be a more hipster thing to do. LOL.
She’s an actress with a very limited arsenal. When she’s in her element, she can be really good, but she needs to be in a role tailor-made for her. The Runaways, Adventureland, and Yellow Handkerchief were a perfect fit for her simply because the role let her be a broken, emotionless young woman who’s lost in this world and generally indifferent to anything. Give her those emotionally expressive roles and she turns bland.
That’s why I didn’t expect her to do a great job playing Snow White.
I wasn’t disappointed.
I’m in awe of how Kristen’s bad acting turned an iconic character into the most boring creatures on earth! OY VEY!
One of the most important scenes in the movie was that of Snow rallying the people into standing up against the evil queen and Kristen had the same blah demeanor as always. Come on, girl! You’re supposed to coax them out of their scared holes to run bravely into possible death! And you give us the I-don’t-want-to-lose-you-Jacob face?! It wasn’t convinced AT ALL.
2. CHRIS HEMSWORTH as the Narrator
Yup! I get it. He’s a testosterone packed demi-god with abs of steel. He was also really good at being a drunk good-for-nothing bum turned hero. Let him do his thing and droves of women will line up in theaters. But please don’t let him do the narration!
The movie starts off with Chris’ too deep and too distorted voice telling us something about Snow that you wouldn’t really understand. Didn’t they catch that in the editing room?
3. The LOVE TRIANGLE
Why does Kristen Stewart need two leading men?!
Why do beasts have to fall all over her? He had a vampire and a werewolf in Twilight. Now it’s dwarfs, drunken guys, and a bridge troll!
SPOILER ALERT (scroll down a little if you’re still intending to watch the movie with everything I said before):
That coronation scene with the huntsman and Snow making eye contact, what does THAT mean?! How can you turn a tale that’s all about true love into a gray area?
That was what Snow White and Prince Charming was all about?! True love conquers all! And now you give us a Snow who woke up after two boys kissed her? BTW, there was NO explanation or any clues as to why that zombie woke up!
I’m all for leaving something for the viewer’s imagination, but this isn’t a good use of that technique.
I have to stop right here. My blood’s pumping and I’ve used too many exclamation marks in this blog.
Here’s my recommendation about the movie.
IF YOU WANT TO WATCH IT,
YOU CAN LOVE IT OR HATE IT,
JUST DON’T LET YOUR KIDS SEE IT.
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